Battle of Rhodes

The scene opens with Kratos sitting on the throne, clearly demonstrating that he is not the god of “gender equality.” Linda Hunt, headmaster of Kindergarten Cop Elementary and international sex kitten, purrs the exposition. “By defeating Ares, Kratos became the God of War.” Kratos has been shunned by the gods but he doesn’t care because he would rather hang out with the Spartans and cause wars across Greece. Athena approaches and warns, “enough Kratos, with every city you destroy the wrath of Olympus grows.” Obviously, the gods have forgotten that he is the god of WAR. It’s like complaining that Hephaestus is always sooty.
Kratos then leaves Olympus via the same swan dive trick used to kick off GOW 1. He crash lands in the middle of Sparta’s assault on Rhodes. Athena counters his advancement by sending a hawk to animate the Colossus of Rhodes and deflate Kratos. In doing she proves that it really does take an act of god to reduce Krato’s colossal ego down to human size.
The Colossus trudges across the little inlet and the water effects look nice and sudsy. Kratos falls into a little palace atrium and the Colossus runs up and gives a little looky-loo at Kratos. This 100-ton statue with a propensity for voyeurism is your new enemy.
When you gain full control of Kratos, kill the multiple waves of gold-plated soldiers. My favorite attack combo is to use the triangle button which will shoot them in the air. Then, attack them while you are floating above the other soon-to-be-killed guards. When they are all defeated, three solders say “by the gods he has killed them all” and then run off. Proceed to the gate, stand in front of the small glint, and press R1 to power clean it.
Circle around this next hallway fighting off any guards who attack. When you reach the end, the colossus reaches in and pats around like he is looking for his lost glasses. He then grabs two guys who are probably having second thoughts about voting “aye” when the Rhodes city council suggested building a huge bronze statue to guard the inlet.
Jump through the new hole in the wall and run up the ladder. Jump out the window to find the colossus again. He is patting around, smashing guys and will swat Kratos if you gets too close. But, his frequent uses of the hands suggests a sensitive touch. If he wasn’t destroyed by that earthquake in 224 BC he probably could have given the Statue of Liberty a pretty good back rub. She seems a bit tense and I bet she would enjoy that.
BOSS: Colossus Fight Part 1

• Watch for the colossus’ windups and move the right analog stick to dodge his slap attack
• When his hand hits the ground, jump to avoid the shockwaves.
• The hand will thenl sit there for a moment. At this moment, attack it
• After several hits, the Colossus will pull it back and commence the attacks again
• Repeat the above process and when you have hit the hand several more times, the Colossus’s eyes will shut, he will pull back, and then rest his hand on the building

At this time, jump up to the ballista. Press R1 to fire a rock at his head and then get into the ballista by press R1 to get in it and then tap O to fling yourself on him. As soon as you hit him, follow the on screen button presses to attack the giant in such a hyped-up fashion that it makes the battles in Shadow of the Colossus seem about as much fun as reading a book. After successfully punching out its eye, the Colossus flings Kratos across Rhodes, through a dome to create an impromptu oculus. When you regain control of Kratos in the pool, don’t swim down the tube yet. Swim back just a bit and then hit X to surface. Climb out of the water and circle around the room to find a row of protective screens. Attack the screens a lot to destroy them.
Behind the screen are two women who are kinda-naked. You see, Kratos really, really loves these two kinda-naked women. He loves them so much, and so equally, that he has to make a special type of love to them and he has to do it to them at the same time. You will have to take my word for the loving, because the camera shifts to a statue called Manneken Pis. Watch carefully because this is all symbolic. The boy and his penis stand in for Kratos and his penis. Are you following me on this one? Furthermore, the boy’s spurting, stands in for Kratos’s spurting. It’s very crafty. Not since the train at the end or North by Northwest has coitus been so thinly inferred. When you fill them up, red orbs appear which means that this was their first time.
When ready, get back in the pool and dive down the underwater tunnel. Press and hold R1 and then release it to bust through the grate. Surface and swim right to the ladder that is leaning up against the burning town set-piece featured in Pirates of the Caribbean the ride. Climb up and R1 the giant lever. Move forward and press R1 to swing across the gap. Jump up the two ledges to the grate at the top. Use R1 and circle to lift it.
Fight the guys in the next room and climb the ladder. The colossus gets fed up with Kratos’ annoying attacks and decides to put his foot down. Unfortunately, it is right on Kratos. Rapidly tap circle to fling the colossus across Rhodes. Continue to the left side of the room and hand-grab your way up the wall. When you reach the top, the Colossus comes back and Jesus H. Zeus does he looks bad. His bronze skin is really falling off fast and judging by what is underneath, I am thinking that it is actually Tron Guy underneath.
Jump down and get ready to confront the colossus once again.

• Stand just a bit to the right of his right hand.
• Don’t stand too close to the right hand through because he will attack you with his right fore-arm.
• When he rears back his left arm for a smash, double jump towards his right-side. Quickly turn around and start attacking that left fist.
• If he pulls back both arms for a double-fisted tantrum, use your magic by pressing L2 and Kratos will yell stuff like “I am the God of War”, “I will make you suffer” or “Don’t believe Ondore’s Lies”

When the Colossus has been knocked around enough, he will swing over to one of the two corners and pout. Run over to his hand (indicated by the circle) and press the circle button. Then, follow the context sensitive prompts to give him some nasty Inigo Montoya cuts. After he has been cut, he will recenter and you will need to repeat the set of attacks to get him to pout on the other side.
Once the second set of slashes have been committed, he grabs Kratos in his hand and that’s when the box art for the demo comes to fruition. Let me tell you I was relieved to see this moment tie into the box cover because I was sure the GOW2 team just crayoned Kratos into the cover of an old Encyclopedia Brown mystery titled “Encyclopedia and the Case of the Blueberry Jelly Monster.” Alas, it is an original piece and I guess it does makes more sense that the blue stuff isn’t jelly but actually an ectoplasm conjured by Athena. Just a little bit more sense though. Either way, you will need to pump the L1 and L2 buttons to free his vice grip.
Colossus throws Kratos through another dome (leaving two Wile E. Coyote holes in the ceiling) and into a quaint villa. Jump over the chariot and up onto the balcony. Lift the gate and run through the hall. When you hear someone yell something that sounds like “watch your bike”, make a quick right to avoid the archers. Make another right and fight off the approaching guards.
After clearing that room, observe the light streaming through the open window and that sexy dandruff particle effect. Move to the left corner of said room to find a pedestal with a statue on top that is spread eagle. I mean an eagle whose wings are spread. Check your watch because we reached our first block and pressure plate puzzle in less than one hour. Drag the block over to the plate that is in front of the gate. Hold R1 at the stone again but this time press and hold X until Kratos stops his grunting. At which point you can release X to fling it past the gate and onto the next trigger. But, Kratos is still locked out. Position him on that first trigger and then flick the right control stick to roll him past the gate before it closes. You should now have Kratos, the eagle pedestal, and the second touch plate all together.
Urn of Gaia
Before proceeding through the second gate, pull the eagle to the right. The camera will switch to the long hallway. Notice the three chests that are sitting on a shelf high above the floor. Push the stone block right under these chests. Attack the block to destroy the eagle. Jump up onto the block and then double jump up to the chests. The middle one has an urn which will multiply the red orbs by a factor of 10. Unfortunately, you can only activate this on your second play through though.

Pull the statue back to the other hallway and onto the touch plate to open the second gate. Run through it.
Send Kratos down the hallway and makes a quick left. Someone yells out “Die with Honor.” This fight is easiest if you jump over the front line and attack the archers first. With them down, go back to fight the foot soldiers. When done, run ahead to a platform with a lever. Pull it with R1 and ride up to the top. Run straight ahead towards the open window and the colossus looks through. Strike his eye a few times and be glad that the Colossus didn’t mistake this for a glory hole. Because of the attacks, Colossus pulls the room down. Head to the end of the balcony.

Cut Scene
The clouds start talking and saying that “I offer you the Blade of Olympus.” It is Zeus and he says that this sword won the war against the Titans. Zeus tell Kratos to drain his godly powers into the sword and realize your full potential.
At the edge of the balcony, climb up to the ledge on the right (there is a ladder on it). Then move right just a bit and double jump onto the gray hand ledge. Shimmy to the right, them jump up onto the ledge above it. Button mash your way through the next set of guards and continue through the door at the end of the hallway.
Break through the glass window. Ahead is a series of narrow beams you will need to tightrope across. However, there are guys below that will shoot you off. Jump down and take care of them first. When they, and the archers above, are dead, go back to the right to find the ladder. Climb up it so that you can crawl across the beams again un-molested. Nimble to the right to reach the save light and then climb the nearby ladder.
Jump down the hole with the chain and fight the guards. When done, lift gate that is between the two orb chests. Run across the bridge before the Colossus can destroy it. The Colossus is at the end of a large, round platform. He grabs his left hand because it hand has fallen off and resting on the side of the platform. But the most importantly object is the one in the center of the platform, the Blade of Olympus (sent by Zeus).
PART I

• Do not run over to the deifacted sword at first. You will have to wait until the Colossus is occupied before you can approach it
• If Colossus raises both arms above his head, double jump over the shockwave
• If Colossus rears back his bum arm, dodge the crawling fissures
• When the fissures appear, quickly run over to the right side of the platform and pickup the hand that is lying there. Press R1 to fling it back at the Colossus.
• When he is reeling from getting hit by the hand, run over and R1 the blade in the middle of the platform. Kratos will drain all his red life into the blade

PART II

• Continue to avoid the sword until the Colossus is stunned - Colossus resumes his two fisted pounds so double jump then attack his fist just after Kratos lands
• Use your magic liberally against his hands because it will soon be drained
• After enough attacks he falls back stunned. At this time, run up to the blade and Kratos will drain all of his blue magic into the blade

PART III

• Colossus returns to the two fisted attacks again, continue to attack his fist
• When he is knocked back a third time, return to the blade and Kratos will drain half of his green health into it.
• Finally, Kratos pulls out the blade that contains all of his “essence” and use it against the Colossus.

PART IV

• Colossus rests his arm on the side of the platform like he has had too much to drink. “Pleasse bartender <<hiccup>> juss one more”
• Attack his forearm with just a quick hit. Keep your attacks down to one or two combos because he will swing his other hand at you quickly and you will need to jump out of the way.
• Colossus then does his best Samus impression and shoots a cloud of blue energy out of his arm hole. Avoid it by double jumping out of the way the instant you see his arm fire up
• After enough hits he gets an “O”. Press it to continue to the next phase

Follow the path around to another of the beam joints. Destroy it, and even from the inside, it is clear that Colossus mouths “oh f*******ck!” Run around and jump out of the mouth.
Cut Scene: The Colossus’s head is on fire and explodes. Kratos escapes the blast and then lands on the platform below. He then (prematurely) gets on his soapbox and starts yelling. The colossus seems pretty annoyed with Kratos’s ranting/over-acting and slaps him. Kratos’s sword flies out from his grasp and with it, all of the mojo.

Kratos in his Brothel Ware

At that instant his god-armor starts falling off. Which is a good thing because the black and gold metal accents combined with the scarlet-red cloth to make it look like it was cobbled together from the decorative elements of a Roman Brothel. Not that I would know first hand, but I just saw S1E6 of that HBO show "Rome" and Pullo just took Octavian to one.

CUT SCENE: That eagle that animated the Colossus flies down and turns into Zeus. He has a long white beard, scraggled hair, and old features. He looks like he could be the God of 1960’s Drug Gurus or at worse the God of all Hobos. Zeus says Kratos must serve him and not these Spartans. He attacks Kratos. However, because Kratos drained all of his strength into the sword he is so weak that you can't fight back. Let him wail on you and tap “O” to fruitlessly hold off a stomach attack. Has the winless-final-boss/first-level mechanic become a video game standard yet? It would be joining Super Metroid and Final Fantasy among others if it did. Failing to hold off the sword plunging into his stomach, Zeus then digs into Kratos’s bread basket. Zeus, referring to Kratos as his son, tells him that he will never be the ruler of Olympus. Then, he sends out a shockwave of blue fire and all of the Spartans are exterminated via Geometry Wars Genocide. Kratos promises revenge. Zeus sexily sashays off and Kratos dies a Smucker’s-preserves-filled death. As he loses consciousness, the arms of Hades pull him under and we finally get confirmation that hell really does look like a Korn concert (crowd surfing and all).
Linda Hunt then uses her “power of narrator” card to change the story and resurrect the protagonist. Kratos, still reeling from his body blow, has his life flash before him (even if it is a little late considering they normally happen just before you die).
Here is a rapid fire transcription of his flashes:

• Kratos shows an enemy soldier that a rock is quite a bit worse than a hard place
• The king of Barbarians attempts to kill him at which point Kratos prays to Ares (the then God of War) to get him out of this certain death. As part of the deal, Kratos must serve Ares forever and is fused with blades mounted on chains.
• While using those chain-blades, Kratos kills a woman who happens to be his wife
• Ares, the one with the red hair and widow’s peak, does a pretty good Linda Hunt impression
• Then, a naked concubine does and even better version
• Finally, a young girl tops them all does a REALLY good version when she says “this is not the end”

Kratos awakens and a huge face with a crispy, crunchy, tender, flaky, crust introduces herself as the Earth Titan Gaia. She uses the Gravemind technique of giving the (in stasis) protagonist point-blank plot exposition. She tells him that he is getting his life back so that he will help her and the other titans defeat Zeus. To defeat him, Kratos must seek the Sisters of Fate to regain his power. The camera pans down and Kratos’s stomach is healed. Kratos then pulls himself out of the cop-a-feel depths of hell.

Escape from Hades

Escape from Hades 

Climb up the wall, slashing at any and all hands. Move up and to the right until you get to a gap. Jump across it and then up to the next section. Move left then up towards the light above. The platform repairs itself like Allstate is there. Use the save.

Kratos emerges and the field is littered with fallen Spartan soldiers. Zeus killed them all. Run over to each soldier and press R1. When you find the one soldier that is still alive, Kratos tells him to go back to Sparta to give a report of what happened here at Rhodes. At that moment, a Pegasus arrives to pickup Kratos. A Pegasus? Really? In the pan-fantasy scale of mythological beasts, Pegasus leans a little too far to the “pansy-ass” end of it. Kratos is the f-ing God of War and he is stuck riding something that is closely related to the unicorn? 

Kratos climbs aboard his flying pony and tries to force it to go back to Olympus to fight Zeus. The Pegasus won’t listen because Kratos is no longer a god. Talk about embarrassing. Not only does he have to ride on a whimsically fanciful creature but it won’t even do what he says. Its like going to Hertz Rent-a-car and the only thing left is a Ford Taurus that drifts left and has its emergency flashers stuck on.

Flight of the Pegasus

Despite the Pegasus, this next part is impressively executed. Cory Barlog is showing that he is a competent director and worthy successor to the franchise. But, I wonder how much of his start in the video game industry owes to the fact that his name is just one letter away from a Street Fighter II character.

Attack each Griffin that attacks and after each one is hit enough, pres “O” to jump aboard. Kratos will slash off their wings and then they will fall to earth to become regular lions.

When all the Griffins are gone, a different beast will start dive bombing Kratos. When that happens, press X just before it strikes Kratos/Pegasus. Then, press square and tap circle to “choke the chicken” and pull off its head.

When that is done, Kratos enters the jet stream and the lone enemy shoots purple fireballs. The easiest way to avoid this is to hide in one of the corners and when the screen pauses showing a purple orb, hit L1 or R1 to dodge out of the way.

Lair of the Typhon

Typhon's Cavern

Looking over the greater-cave-area area is Typhon. He looks like the personifications of your radiator that car shops would use for newspaper inserts advertising 30% off all fluid flushes.

The titan's two primary weapons are sitting and blowing. It is actually quite ffective because doing this knocks Kratos off this narrow cliff. So, you will have to dash from shelter to shelter between exhales. Move to the left  nd if you do end up getting blown off the path, quickly pull yourself up with X and then flick the right control stick to roll to the next safe spot. When Kratos rounds the top of the path, the titan yells "get out of my sight." As you reach the top, there will be one wall that is very shiny and has a crack in it. Attack it and the ice will break. Run up to it and press R1 and then tap O and Kratos will dead-lift the pillar. It crashes across the chasm. Run up the newly-created ice bridge and when you get to the end, hold R1 to jump to the Titan and perform an impromptu Lasek procedure. The result is Typhon's Bane which is a magical bow and arrow. Use it to shoot out Typhon's other good eye. Typhon doesn't seem to enjoy this even though he was kind of asking for it when he specifically said "get out of my sight."

Head back across the blow-me-down bridge and kill off the new set of attackers. Use the new magic attack to shoot the archers that are across the chasm. When they are all dead, the force field that was blocking your path escape will disappear. Run to the right and use Typhon's Bane again to shoot at the crate that is blocking the grapple hook. Press R1, and then release with X to swing across. Attack all the newly fallen stones to get lots of red orbs. Run back to the save spot. As you leave you can hear the titan yell out "Don't forget to recharge your Freon and have your air filters changed regularly."

Head back to the snowy outdoors. Use the Bane again to destroy the crate and swing to the other side. Jump down and shoot Prometheus back into the fire. He roasts and starts walking on the bonfire.

Ladies and Gentle men: God of War. Where burning someone alive is the most humane option available to you. Because of his good deed, Kratos receives the fires that burned Prometheus: the Rage of the Titans. I don't know if any of you have read any Greek Mythology but this game is totally plagiarizing the stories from it. Big time. For instance, the story of Prometheus is one of the biggest legends out there. The lead writer could have a least tried to hide his script stealing by renaming Prometheus to something like Romethius, or Promethilus, or Doug.

Either way, run back to the right and tryout the Rage of the Titans technique on the next set of attackers. Jump up to the next platform and shoot out the box. Get to the next platform using the rope. Then, circle around and there is another chain to walk across. While on the chain, guys will attack. The circle button works best against them. Continue left and jump back down. Open the nearby chest to refill your Rage of the Titan power. Activate it by clicking down on both the left and right stick and knock down that door. Enter the helmet door to the cave.

Backtrack through the rooms you came from not long ago. When you get back to the titan's hand, try to ignore the pitiful cries of Pegasus (why does it sound like swine?) If you attack any of the Titan's fingers your titan power meter refills. When full, activate it and hit each finger. He will raise them only while you are using your power. When all five are raised, jump up to the spot where the thumb was to reclaim the Pegasus. Fly it out of the ice den.

CUT SCENE:

As Kratos flees from the icy cave and out over the terrain below, Gaia explains that the destination is the Island of Creation. It was created to keep the Sisters of Fate in and everyone else out. This protection is
important because if we could all have free access to the three fates, we could all perfect our past and become life-saving, ex-military, medical doctors who run triathlons as a side gig. Just like that new Bachelor. Oh how I want to punch Andrew Baldwin in his pretty face.

Flight of the Pegasus II

The island’s air defenses kick in again and you will have to battle them. This will play out much like the first Pegasus fight.

• Use the Pegasus and your L1, L2 buttons to dodge the next set of bird attackers
• Use L2 and “[]” to shoot at them
• Attack them with your blades, press “O” as needed to jump aboard and kill them
• When the boss bird comes attack it
• After enough attacks it will slip into the jet stream. Dodge out of its way when if fires the purple fireballs
• After enough dodging, Kratos will jump aboard the nearby Griffin and enter into a button pressing sequence

While Kratos freefalls get ready for a button press prompt in order to swing over to the cliff face.

Temple of Lahkesis

Having survived the crash landing, Kratos is left clinging perilously to the side of a precipice. Climb up and around the grip-wall to the upper deck. On that deck is a giant statue head that is looking off to the sea. Head to the left side of the balcony to get some treasures and to the right to find a save.

From the save, climb the nearby Mega Man ladder to reach the next platform. Fight off the attackers and then head left to the next ladder. At the top are some ravaging dogs. When defeated, go to the right and kill all the skeletons; well, not kill them, but attack them so they are even more dead than they were before you got there. Further to the right and in front of the chests is a dead body. Pick it up with R1.

Take it to the left and drop it next to the lever so that Kratos can have his hands free to pull it. The lift will descend. The surrounding terrain is quite beautiful and I think that may be Fireball Island down there. Pick up the body again and drop it on the pressure plate. Just in front of the plate is a lever. Drag that lever along the track and quickly run through the next two doors before they fall again.

Continue down the next corridor. The music is unnecessarily moan-y and sorrowful. I think this place is quite pretty and the music should match it. I am think...ing....samba. Kick down the drawbridge.

CUT SCENE:
Kratos looks off into the sky and yells for Gaia. Considering she is the Earth Titan, he should really be yelling down at the ground to talk to her. He questions why she helps him and she launches into voiceover. Cronos (who has a happy trail that is more like a happy super highway) was told that his children would rise up against him. To head off this prophesy, Cronos ate his babies. However, Zeus’s mother (who should be commended for surviving a conception that was initiated by Cronos) used a decoy and gave her child away. Gaia raised Zeus. While her actions were well intentioned, Zeus grew up and turned his hatred for Cronos against all titans. Now, the titans are having to deal with a zealous Zeus. So, Gaia is helping Kratos so that he will also help them deal with him. Kratos seems to be ok with being a complete tool for the titans (seems a little out of character for him.)

Go back a little bit from edge of the bridge and shuffle left along the path on the left. It will crumble so flick the left stick and double jump across. At the dead end, jump across the broken barrier.

In the next room, kill all the dogs then go the upper right corner of the room and destroy the four statues. Behind one of them is a moveable stone. Kratos need a step up to get to the next area so drag that stone to the left. Pull Kratos up to the next platform, fight the dogs, and then save.

Head left and out from under the porch and slide your way down the hand rails. Head up the ladder between the two chests and up along the roof. Destroy the shiny arch. Catching a motif here... shinny = destructible. Much better than having a big red arrow to telegraph it. Continue out past this overhang (it is like that gaudy sky walk they are building over the Grand Canyon .) Continue across it and fight off the dogs. Shoot the archers across the gap with your bow and then double jump across. Jump up to the next level, work your way past the guys and over to the lever that lowers Kratos into the next room.

In the shinny floor room, fight off the woman with the half open bodice. I can only hope that with the universal popularity of this game, eye-patch-blouses become the new fashion statement. Attack these peek-a-boo fiends until they get that circle over their head to have Kratos rape hug them. I am a little uncomfortable with that. They scream and the wall crumbles. Do this four times to get through. Save at the spot on the other side of the door.

Run down the massive, massive chains that lead to the equally massive horses. This scene is fondling the brain cells that contain my fond memories of Super Mario 3’s Big World.

The Steeds of Time

When you get closer to the horses, claw your way up to the pedestal that is located at the back of one of the steeds. Find the nearby lever to lower the chain that will let Kratos swing to the other one.

CUT SCENE:
A large man is busily closing a large door. His name is Theseus and he is the head bouncer for The Fates. Now that I mention it, “The Fates” would be a pretty good name for a club (mental note recorded). The bouncer tells Kratos that he is serving in the name of Zeus; giving Kratos one more reason to kill Theseus. He then goes on to insult Kratos’s manhood and challenges him to a fight.

BOSS: Theseus

Part I:

• Wait for him to attack and save your magic until I tell you to
• Watch for his blades to glow blue – it is a sign he is about to swing
• Continue to dodge until he is done swinging, then attack
• After enough hits, he will stab at Kratos and you flip him on his own sword with a quick turn of the control stick
• Once you have done this, his swords will remain glowing
• When that happens, you can attack him more often, but still try to play defensively
• Watch out for the blue spikes that he summons

Part II:

• When he jumps up above the door, flick the right stick to avoid his arrows
• Now use the bow to shoot him
• If you are out of magic, get some more by fighting off the many minotaur he creates
• After he is shot enough, he will fall.
• Follow the key cues to pull him down then “American History X” his face on the door

The Divine Pools

Get off the chain, break the rocks, and climb up to reach the save. From there, ascend the waterfalls and go left. Slide down the climbing wall and proceed through the gate.

You enter a circular temple with a totally hot statue at the front who has her two hands raised up to her face. I am pretty sure it is a temple, a temple dedicated to worshiping foxy statues. But, before you can do anything with the she-statue, you will need to get the right equipment. Jump down either side of the bridge.

Look for the lever on the left side of the room and pull it. Next, go to the very center of the room and move the giant planter that is the pool. Swim through the hole that was underneath and break through the barrier by holding then releasing R1. When you emerge from the water, Kratos will be behind the grates at the other end of the room. Go to the green glowing statue and press R1 to get an amulet that will allow you to slow time. It turns out the Matrix didn’t invent bullet time, it was created back in 500 BC.

Jump into the hole and swim back through to the other side. The amulet is described as an object which “allows you to move swiftly through time while all that is around you, slows.” That sounds pretty much like college for me (seriously those four years went by so fast). Go to the very back corner of the room and find the pressure plate that will raise three pedestals. Press R1 and L1 simultaneously to freeze time. Run to the pedestals. They fell quite quickly before but now that you have the time-slowing amulet, you can make it over and jump up on them.

When you reach the top floor of the temple, run to the back of the hall and stand on the pressure plate. The foxy statue with the bright green prom pimple will lower her arms to ground level. Stop time and run right into her hands.

CUT SCENE:
The statues brings Kratos real close to her face and she rhymes using poetry-101-tameter “None defy what the fates decree / That is the way must be.” To further dumb-down her point she clarifies “only death awaits you at the end of your journey.” And in a surprisingly valid point, Kratos responds “Death is what started my journey.”

The fate statue then emphasizes once more that he is destined to fail. Kratos takes this about as well as a spoiled 5-year-old by blaming someone else for his problems and then attacking the one who told him “no.” The statue’s face breaks and then lists backwards.

Attack her head again and send it careening through the window. Follow that head!

Through the window and in the little courtyard, fight the monsters. During this time the statue head will nag and nag and nag with quotes such as “You can not change your destiny mortal.” Wow with all that nagging I wonder if she is the fate, the fate marriage <<badum-CHING>>. When the monsters have been destroyed, go over and attack the head until it disintegrates.

Destiny's Atrium

Before you can solve the problem with the head and the force field, you will need to fight off the monsters that attack. One is a huge hulking beast who looks like what would happen if Boris Vallejo had designed Monsters Inc’s Mike Wazowski. That Cyclopes is accompanied by a few pigs. Focus your attack the pigs first. The best way to deal with them is to hit X twice and then press O to perform the pork loin removing animation that was in GOW2’s trailer (I was sold on this game by that one movie). When the pigs are gone, focus on the Cyclopes. It is best to save your Titan’s Rage for the second wave of Cyclopes.

When defeated, all the ladders are unlocked. There will also be a little alcove with a demon door that spits out fireballs. Ignore the door, you can’t do anything with it yet. Instead, turn so that you are facing the giant statue and climb the ladder on the north-left side of the room. At the top of the ladder, grab the statue that is in the corner and pull it across the balcony to the small indentation that is in front of the face’s green eye. When in place, the green beam is reflected back to her and it turns yellow. Maybe she should shut that eye.

Destiny's Atrium Statue:

PUZZLE:

Cross the bridge and descend to the small sunken area. The small step will keep you from pulling the statue. Kratos can lift a whole friken ice pillar but he can’t bear-hug a statue and carry it like the Africa Stone over to the big head? Well, because he can’t, pull the lever to lower the wall. Drag the statue onto that lowered wall and pull the lever again to raise statue. Jump up and onto the wall grab the statue. Charge up a powerful kick by holding the R1 and X buttons and then release both to kick the statue all the way across the step. Jump back down and push the status along the bridge and into the slot that is right next to the other statue. With both eye beams being reflected back at the statue, the face explodes. Go back down into the atrium and over to the newly unlocked save light:

The Bog of the Forgotten

With the magical force field gone, Kratos can proceed deeper into the Island of Creation. It is a forested valley that looks like what would happen if Thomas Kinkade painted The Forests of Hell.

CUT SCENE:
Gaia gives a little update. The sisters are hidden deep within the spire and if Kratos can get to his thread he can go back to the time before Zeus killed him. At that moment, a horseman comes ridding up behind him and tries to take Kratos’s head right off. Kratos throws his blades at the mounted attacker and hitches a ride. Follow the on-screen prompts to proceed.

Kratos drops off the horse and comes to rest on a stone platform. The rider circles around to finish him off. But, just before he does, the bearded rider recognizes Kratos and introduces himself. He is the Barbarian King. The catalyst for Kratos selling his soul to Ares in GOW 1. It turns out that since his death, the Barbarian King has pulled himself out of the depths of hell and is now ALSO seeking the Fates to turn back the clock to the battle where Kratos killing him.

The Barbarian King (or BK) asks Kratos if he remembers him. Kratos says “I will never forget that day.” Cue flashback and it looks like Kratos has already forgotten one key thing... that it wasn’t day at all but actually late dusk. But Kratos does recall BK shooting an arrow and making a guy’s head explode. And then he remembers swinging his blades and making the BK’s head explode.

When the flashback is over, BK says “this time, ghost of Sparta, I will have your head.”

BOSS: King of Barbarians
This next fight is like fighting a mounted Charles Manson. Except, instead of his “family” of hippies he has a horde of zombie superintendents.

Part I

• Attack him at will until the orbs that encircle him disappear
• Use the bow and arrow too
• When the orbs are gone, circle around to climb up and kill the horse

Part II

• After dismounting, he surrounds himself with a series of gold lights. Attack him to get rid of them
  - Stripped bare, he summons his horde of Zombie Supers
• You can use magic liberally here because each zombie will give you blue orbs to refill your magic
• Strike the boss with two-hit combos then flip out of the way to avoid his counter attack

Part III

• Again, attack twice then roll away
• When beaten enough he will get a circle over his head, follow the on screen prompts

When he is dead, use the nearby grapple hook to swing across the lava and then run down the path.

Temple of Euryale

Stand in front of the medusa door and hit L1 to reflect the beam back and destroy it. Punch your way through. This is Euryale’s lair and the game claims that she is Medusa’s sister. I don’t know about this Euryale Vs Sony Entertainment Mythology so I am going to consult a legitimate source here. And wikipedia says..... TRUE! Eureyal really was in Greek mythology and really is Medusa’s sister. Way to do your homework GOW 2 team. Oh and for extra credit, it turns out that Euryale is Typhon’s daughter. 

Once inside the temple, take a right and after the fight and descend down the ladder. A voice taunts Kratos for the misery and killing of babies. Fight the attackers that accost you. One of them is a minotaur and I really like the kill sequence where you pull them down on their own flaming clubs. Genius. Continue through the unlocked door.

A gate separates one side of the room from the other. A soldier who must be all hopped up on crank runs up to the gate, calls Kratos the “ghost of Sparta” and then grabs some more crank. Proceed to the elevator and lower it. Fight off the bats. The other elevator does not function because of that soldier’s crank theft. So, run back to the elevator that you just descended in on and raise it to a level where Kratos can jump across without hitting his head on the grate above. Double jump across. Now that you are standing in the broken elevator, jump up and grab the narrow ledges that are above him. Continue to jump up to the ledges above it until you are at the top. Rid yourself of the skeleton attacker and then use the save behind it.

From the save go to the alcove on the left and climb the semi broken ladder. Proceed to the left side of the room to find a grip wall. Climb up and across ceiling. Crisscrossing across it are half a dozen blades. It would be another century before people figured out that ceiling fans are much more effective when they spin parallel to the ceiling. Until that day comes, you must navigate past them without getting cut. Time your advance and if you need it, press X to make Kratos dash.

PUZZLE: Meat Press

When you reach the other side of the room, press R1 to drop down. One side of the room has a large meat press that blocks a lever that will let you proceed to the next room. Here is how to get to that lever:

• Rotate the crank that is on the ledge to pull back the press.
• Run right in front of the spiked end of the press and then down the caged hallway to the lever that was blocked when the press was fully extended.
• Pull it to lower the columns that barricaded the door.
• Run up to the door at the end of the cage and press R1 and tap “O” to rapidly lift it.

 
When you reach the next room, you are welcomed by a drunken smoker’s laugh. Proceed to the book in the center of the room and in it is written “I am all that remains, I know now that I will not reach the sisters.” I am totally writing that in the guestbook for the next wedding I go to. The joke is more relevant if you are the last single guy among your group of friends or if one of the girls that is getting married is of a clutch of sisters.

Then, when you least expect it, in flops Euryale. For all you out there who complain that they don’t put women with realistic bodies into games, here you are. One steaming, pendulous pile of fleshy-ness compliments of Cory Barlog. I hope you are happy. 

How to Beat Euryale

BOSS: Euryale
Part I

• Don’t use the Rage of the titans until I tell you to
• Watch her hands because she will form a red ball above her head just before she shoots her paralyzing scream at you
• Use your magic a little, not more than half of the meter though

Part II

• Still hold off using titan power
• She shrieks “You will die, you killed my sister” and then coils up seductively around one of the columns
• Hit her by jumping and attacking
• She will scream at the ground filling it with a red fog. Keep watching because she will soon sweep the floor with an even darker red fog. When this more intense fog hits you, press L1 to absorb the attack with the fleece
• If you are turned to stone, shake the left stick and then run as far away from the ring of columns as you can because she will try to belly-flop on top of you
• After hitting her enough, the circle prompt will appear above her head. Rotate the stick quickly in order to pull the column down on her
• She will then climb up on a second column so repeat the above process to bring it down on her again
• After being knocked from both columns she resumes the ground attack

Part III

• NOW is the time to use the rage of the titans. If you are aggressive enough, you can kill her before your titan meter runs dry
• If not, use a defensive strategy where you only attack her after dodging her series of attacks
• When she gets “O” over her head, play the context game. Kratos grabs her and they have shirtless time together. I bet she consumes pallets of Zombie Baklava

The Ruins of the Forgotten

The Ruins of the Forgotten

Upon entering this area, a Cyclopes approaches and then from stage left runs a little monster who climbs up on his back like he is a five year old at a parade. If this were TV, we would be setting up for A) the classic ice cream on the dad’s head gag or B) the riskier bird craps on one/both of them gag. But, because this is a video game, both of them will die.

When they are both in fact dead, a second wave attacks so kill them too. Run over to the Peristyle. Once underneath it, head for the far right corner. Pull out the large stone and drag it to the far left corner as a counter balance. Go back to where you pulled out the stone and O tap the gate open. Head down the halls and through the door, clear out the enemies in this room with the large stone column in the center. Destroy it and then use the newly exposed grappling hook to swing like a Cirque Du Soleil performer up to the next platform.

In the next hallway, use your timing carefully to swing between the two grapple hooks. Continue across the Bog of Eternal Stench to the three columns and the guys on top of them who are shooting bombs at you. Attack the columns on the left and right side to drop the guys. Then, move the large central column by pressing R1 then R1 + L1 in quick succession. When the remaining enemies have been dispensed, jump your way up to the platform and continue around to a room with a large plant at the top and a touch plate in the center.

PUZZLE: Corpse and Water

This next room is small and circular with alcoves at each of the cardinal directions. In the alcove with the bars is a touch plate. The other side has a body that would make a perfect touch plate weight. However, the bars in the other alcove prevent Kratos from jumping over it with body in tow. If you can’t go over the gate you will have to go around it. So, go to the alcove with the body and destroy the fake wall. Pick it up and set it in the water so it can be whisked away. Quickly, run across to the half-gated alcove, destroy the fake wall and wait for the corpse to circle around. Pick it up and place it on the touch plate. Run over to the central pressure plate to unlock the main gate. Run and roll to get through it.

In the next room we find the soldier from outside still alive and still fending off a skeleton attack. Unfortunately, it is across a river of instant death fluid. Your way across is on two floating platforms with a handle attached. To work the flotillas, point the left control stick relative to the position Kratos is in on the wheel. Keep rotating for as long as you can, even when skeletons are attacking. Fight them off only when they are right over you. When the wheel is as far as it can go, jump to the next one. Repeat this same process for the other wheel.

Back on firm ground, the camera zooms over to a large rock that is shinny. It is interactable. Attack the nearby rock and I was shocked to find the rock attack me back.

Rock monster
- Destroy it by using basic attacks
- Step back when it starts swinging its arms
- While waiting for it to stop attacking, you should use magic to hurry the fight along.

When you get near the shinny rock, you will be prompted to press R1 to pull it down. When it collapses, run up to it and then over to the vine covered wall. Proceed across it to the rope. When you drop down, you are on a cliff face with a huge spinning wheel and a small black door nearby. By lifting this door, you will find a pause-time statue that seems to have been placed into storage. Use L1 and L2 to slow the wheel then run across it. On the other side, you find a series of conveyer belts.

“Conveyer belts? In Ancient Greece?” you ask. Just ignore it. In return for getting them the job, the Devil’s covenant obligates all game designers to include a conveyor belt in every game they make (regardless of its setting or genre). Satan is a tricky one alright.

Proceed through the conveyor belts and break through the wooden wall that is straight ahead. Jump to the next landing and you are surrounded by several columns that are shaped like women. The architectural term for that is Caryatid. They were actually used in Pantheon. 

Destroy the central caryatid and reveal a block that must be pushed forward. With the block out of the way, you can proceed to a new area that looks just like the one we started with. In fact, it is the one we started with.

Push that block you just dropped into the Peristyle. As you push the stone to the furthest edge, the whole building will list. Push the other stone box towards the far end of the Peristyle and the camera-man indicates another shiny-interactable object. Go to that shiny stylobate (the art world’s term for the steps of a temple and tap “O” to lift the ENTIRE thing. You know it is actions like these that make archaeologists cringe. It wasn’t natural decay that prevents us from learning about the past, it was vandalistic dopes like Kratos destroying all these artifacts. After it has been submerged in that rank fluid, run across this stunning example of architecture to the climbing wall.

Use the hand grabs and work your way left. Destroy the dead tree, and jump across to reach the other side. Run past the spinning gear building (you can destroy it if you wish) and move left. Talk to the dying soldier and he tells Kratos of the golden fleece and how Jason (of Argonaut fame) had it before he was captured by the beast.

Up ahead, the doorway to this beast is blocked by a series of gears. Pick the soldier up, carry him through the hallway and towards the nearby conveyer belt. He’s all “I’m not dead yet.” I told you dude, don’t ask for Kratos’s help, the skeletons would have been much nicer to you. His corpse mangles the gears. So smashed alive eh? That’s it? When Jaffe was directing, we had to roast a guy alive. I am just saying this seems a bit tame. What were the slicing pendulums too hard to program? Wouldn’t a pot of burning oil or a skinning alive machine have been a bit closer to Kratos’s style.

The gears crumple but you still need to attack them to get through them. As Kratos enters the dog’s pen, they are chewing on a ragdoll or a corpse imbued with ragdoll. The center head rips off the corpse’s arm and lets it dangle like a cigar. I hope he has it like that through the whole battle and then when he whips his head around the arm punches Kratos. That would be worth the price of the game right there. And damn if this dog isn’t the buffest thing I have ever seen. It has biceps that are bigger than my waist. Do dogs even have biceps?

BOSS: Cerberus

• Keep the dog a chains length away from you at all times
• Fight him with a matador approach of dodging then attacking him.
• When the O appears over the beast’s head, Kratos reaches deep in its mouth to extract the arm.

Return to Temple of Euryale

In contrast to the gleaming perfection and well tended architecture that was the last area, this temple is a dump. I actually like it this way, what with the vines and the nature taking over. But, I do question how historically accurate all this is. It is Ancient Greece, did ruins even exist yet?

Traverse to the right and then around the temple to the save crystal. Go up and across the lava. A guy is running from a pair of minotaur and calls out for help. Dude you are asking the wrong guy. Kratos’s idea of compassion is throwing a suffering
man into a bonfire.

Run to the edge of the land to the dead body with crows picking at it. Press R1 to get Euryale’s Key which is the Greek letter Phi. Run back around to the front gate and to the path just to the left of it.

Attack the Jason and the Argonauts skeletons. God I love how they shatter. Use the key on the gate (not the gold medusa gate, but the one that is further to the left).

Destiny’s Atrium - Again

Now that Kratos is equipped with the fleece, he can make use of it to reflect the fire-seeds back to that wall. Stand where the burn spot is and wait for the fireball, as soon as it hits Kratos press R1 to shoot it right back. With it destroyed, move to the right wall and shimmy your way inside the cave. Jump to the opposing wall to find the cave passageway.

Descend through the caves and eventually emerge on a cliff side. Notice the four horses on the horizon. This is backtracking done right. We weren’t lead back to the same spot via the same path. As a result, I don’t feel like designers are padding the game play. Furthermore, by showing the horses in the background there, it makes the world seem more cohesive rather than a simple chain of random levels.

Continue across the cliff face by fighting off archers, zombie skeletons, and swinging on the grapple hooks.

The Hall of Atropos

Well, speaking of rehashing, in this next area we find yet another statue
shooting her eye beams at a wall to create a force field. Use the save light.

But, before you can get to the eye statue, you will need to fight off several
wizards that are on crutches. Here are some tips for fighting them:

• Attack them lightly with short 3-move chains. This will allow you to
  quickly escape if they shoot the green squiggles at you.
• Also, use magic because killing them will yield blue orbs.
• I suggest Cronos's rage because it will keep more than one of them occupied
  while you attack another with your regular weapon.

When they are dispensed, head to the left-most corner of the room (just to
the left of the save light) and dead lift the door to get in.

In the next room, with its highly waxed floors, proceed to the left. The
force field doors close around Kratos and he is ambushed by all sorts of minotaur and proto-Latin speaking priests. Focus on the priests first because
they will summon more minotaur if left alone. There will be several waves of
the chanting guys so keep at them. When they are done, focus on the
minotaur.

PUZZLE: Two Statues and an Elevator

When the room is clear, explore it. There are two sliding bronze statues and
one elevator. Your goal is to get Kratos up to the top of that ledge. The way
to get there is to get the two statues nearly on top of each other.

• Find the lift in the upper left corner of the room
• Place one of the statues on the lift
• Move the other statue just to the right of the lift but not on it
• Start turning the crank so the elevator goes all the way to the top
• Let go of the crank and quickly run over to the statue that is not on the
  lift and push it under it so that the lift is jammed
• There should now be a statue sandwich that consists of statue, lift, statue
• Jump to the top of the bottom statue, then jump again to the statue that is on the elevator, finally jump to the top floor

The Hall of Atropos - Again

When the stone falls into the main Hall of Atropos push it across the plaza. Line it up under the ladder at the base of the arch. Jump up on the stone to reach the ladder. A voice calls out for Kratos’s help (The owner of that voice must have a death wish) and then the voice tells him where he is (dude you are so dead). Head left across the narrow bridge and through the door. Fight the beasts in the next room and when done, jump up to the door and use the save light.

At the end of the balcony three grapple hooks fall. Target the lowest one and swing over to the one on the side of the building. Go up and finally across to the other side. There are soldiers waiting there for Kratos and they have packed some of the best drumming theme music.

PUZZLE: Double Tree

At the very edge of the balcony is a small trigger (nestled among the roots). Stand on it to extend a tangle of plants. Use the slow-time move and then run across to a small island with two trees on it. Make a quick left (you should still be in green pause-time) and continue across that bridge. Kill the attackers and then press another trigger that will extend a third bridge. Press L1+L2 again and run across the bridge to the two-tree island again and then take a left to get to the next platform. Fight the bats and armored zombies here and then stand on the trigger to extend another new bridge. Run across to the two-tree island a third time and then take a left to the final area.

Crossing of the Lowlands

Jump up to the next grapple hook which I think is attached to a sound system because some chubby beats start. The columns crumble immediately and you will have to be quick to proceed through. The timing will take some figuring out on your part because there is no way that I can explain what you will have to do. About the only tip I can give you is on the fourth hook. When Kratos is swinging circularly, make about three rotations and release to spring to the flat platform. Run to the edge of the island let it fall forward a bit before jumping for the next grapple spot. The rest of the hooks will take you across the chasm.

The next tunnel is also nice and jungle-y and I have to ask "is this game really set in Greece." Maybe it actually takes place in Northern Mexico and we just reached the tropical forests around the equator. And wikipedia says.... Greece! Proceed through the dense JUNGLES of MEDITERRANEAN GREECE and fight off the two sirens. I know they are evil witches or something but I still feel bad for beating them up. I guess all the years of video games have trained me to recognize anyone who is pretty as being good.

When you fight off the beasts continue through to find out why Icarus should
really be spelled Ick 'R us ...

Meeting Icarus

CUT SCENE:
Kratos runs across the decrepit bridge and then something even more decrepit slithers up to the top. It is Icarus. And every time I think that it would be
great to live in the splendor and debauchery that was ancient Greece, I remind myself that by age 40 most people would have looked like Icarus. He
tells us that only way to get across this great chasm is to use his wings. Icarus, like everyone else in this game, is trying to reach the sisters of
fate. I think he is trying to go back in time to relive his 8-bit glory days. Kratos threatens to take his wings and Icarus resists by climbing up and
roosting on his shoulders.

Then Icarus pulls Kratos off the side of the bridge and they go falling into the chasm, punching all the way down. Follow the on-screen cues. When Kratos
and Icarus fall, keep hammering on the [] and O buttons and watch for the random prompts.

When you beat him enough, Kratos steals the wings and glides softly away from the bird man. Icarus falls through the hole and past Atlas. I had to laugh
because he does that aaaaaah...take a breath.....aaaaah thing. Then, the earth opens up and Icarus falls through the Upper Mantel and I wonder if he
will reach the Outer Core or just stay in the Mantel Proper.

Atlas Help

Thought you were going to make it across that chasm and on to the Fate's temple and thuen on to the fates? Nope. You have been diverted into an off-
topic, sub-level that kinda sucks. You just got a bad case of game-progression blue balls.

Either way, after Kratos' H.A.L.O. drop, he is standing atop one of the great Titans: Atlas. Continue left from his eye to get the save light.

Go back to the nose and climb up his brow ridge. Continue around to the dangling platforms which may be Atlas's straightened payots. This is also a good time to practice Kratos's new wings. Descend from platform to platform until you reach the last one which is a quite a ways down. From this last platform, jump towards that big doorway. No wait. That is an enormously inflamed pore. I know they don't make Biore strips that big but good lord man at least get Gaia to take a look at that.

Head on into the pore and buckle up for the Game Intestine's favorite level type: INNER SPACE! Take a moment and lets critique how this body-level
measures up to ones in the recent past. The walls have a
good blood color (Atlas seems to be getting the requisite amount of iron) and the slight capillary texture is good too. I am a little disappointed with the
actual area design as there do not seem to be any recognizable organelles. When you fight off the attackers you can have a clear view of the door. I
think the horns are a nice touch but the door lacks that clenched, muscular je ne sais quoi that a real sphincter has.

Attack that door and pull back on the huge block that is there. Run around to the back side of it (you wont be able to see Kratos) and pull it into the next room. At this point you should be in the next room with the blockage partially exposed. Jump up onto it and then up to the chest.

Proceed down into the next room for an example of excess stomach acid eroding the lining of one's esophagus. Icarus-wing your way down to the platform in the middle and prepare for a fight.

BOSS: Golem fight on the Platform

Attack the beast while avoiding his attacks. After a while the platform Kratos is fighting on will start to sink and the wall behind it will break
away. Go to the northernmost edge of the platform and float over to the wall.
The rock wall there has hand grips (it is white in color). When Kratos has a
firm grip, the beast will start throwing rocks at him. The best way to avoid
this is to jump left or right the moment the Golem lifts the rock over his
head.

When defeated, the golem leaves behind a large stone pile. You will need to stand on this Golem-turd to get up to the doorway above. Push it as close as
you can to the opening then jump onto it and then double jump to the door. You should be able to reach it without using your wings.

When you get back to the ceiling grips, drop down at the end of it and then fly yourself around the little corner to the doorway. Grab the grip wall that
is on the left side of the door. Climb up it to the roof and proceed outside. Follow this path around destroying any stalactites and attackers. It's like
Atlas has lice. Climb up into the space created after you destroyed the second stalactite. Then, descend down the metal elevator and jump to the next stretch of grip wall.

You are now back in the room where you released the titan's kidney stone. Continue around and knock off any of those hooks in the ceiling. The camera will pan over indicating a way out. Grip your way to the edge of the path (past all the hooks) and drop down to the platform below. Jump towards that
steaming lesion and fly out the window.

Kratos is outside and that buttery fingered dawn is quite impressive. Fly to each of the dangling hooks which could be Atlas's tzitzit. The second platform will require you to kill off a few rounds of guys and then raise it with the rotating lever. After that, descend to the slide rope and the save.

Ascend using the nearby grip wall. Proceed to the grapple hooks. The last hook before jumping to the grip wall can be tricky. I found it is best NOT to release at the apex of your swing. Rather, hit X while Kratos is still swinging upwards. When you do grab a hold, climb to the top of the grip wall, hold back on the left stick and press X twice because you will need to glide to the platform behind you.

PUZZLE: Stacking Two Stones:

As you round the top you get to see Michael Chickliss in all his glory, or is it Right Said Fred? Either way, continue to the really high cliff face. The
only way over it is to use the two nearby stones. The first goal is to get the stone stacked. Push one stone to the side of the nearby ramp. Then, push
the other one up the ramp and then on top of the first stone that you parked under it. 
Jump down and push the double stack as far to the edge of the next platform as possible. Jump up to the platform and pull the top rock off of the double
stack. Now, maneuver that top stone to the edge of the really tall platform.
Jump up on the stone and then up to the top of the platform. When you reach
the top, open the chest and then move around to the grip wall.

After following the grip wall path around, the mountain opens up with a large, red slit. Rocks fall from above and, if hit, Kratos will (predictably) plunge to his death. Luckily the rocks fall in a quite predictable Left-Right-Left-Right pattern. Jump from one side to the other to avoid them. Also, you can climb a lot faster if hit the jump button. Use the slide button to descend quickly down the next slit. And then follow the same rules as the previous one for it.

After progressing through the rest of the hand grip path, you reach the very top of Atlas's arm. A chain clamps his hand to the Earth. Attack the center link and the chain falls off. Atlas's arm and shoulder kinda wrest under the weight change and he does a little shrug causing me to wonder when Kratos
become Ayn Rand? (talk about an anti-hero).

CUT SCENE
The Atlas asks "who breaks my chains of torment" and then picks up Kratos. He notices that Kratos is too strong to be a mortal but pH balanced to be a god. Atlas starts to pinch Kratos and you may ask:
"Why he got his hand closed?"
To which I say
"Cracks in his palm. He's just watchin' the long arm o' the law."

Kratos yells that he no longer works for the gods and that he actually wants to defeat them. Atlas inquires how and Kratos says with Bade of Olympus. Mentioning this blade causes Atlas to flashback.

I paid real close attention to this scene because I was really curious how a legion of titans (who stand as high as buildings, have biceps the size of
battleships, and in some cases, are equipped with multiple arms) could loose
to the gods. The only thing the gods have for them is the ability to shoot cool looking specular effects.

So, according to Atlas the battle went as follows. The god Hades tethered one of the titans with gold chains. Even though right next to the chained titan
was an even stronger titan with FOUR arms. Four totally ripped arms. The titan just stands there and pounds the ground while his friend is chained. Don't do that, that's dumb! Run up there and grab Hades and use your FOUR arms to do that chest beating thing that Goro used on me every time I tried to use Sub-Zero's freeze attack. 

Somehow Hades ends up stunned and looses his grip on the chains freeing the titan. But the titan who was released just sits there. Go attack Hades! Four-
arms, grab him! Then, get Cronos to use his eye lightning on the god while he is being held down. Its called teamwork.

The gods have obviously figured how cooperation works because when Hades gets Four-arms by the chains another god shocks him. Then, using some magic they steal the titan's blue soul or life-force, or mojo or whatever it is. It doesn't matter what was stolen because the Titans totally suck.

Elsewhere on the battlefield, Zeus creates a weapon called the Blade of Olympus. He says "I ban you to the deepest pits of Tantalus", raises the deifacted sword above his head and a holy tornado forms. We get another overview of the battlefield and see that the Titans are everywhere but just standing around like it's high holiday. Come on. Team up titans and focus on one god at a time.... Ahh forget it, I don't care. You guys lost this war
yourselves. Don't blame the gods when you half-assed your way through a war.

The flashback ends and we are back to Kratos sitting in Atlas's hand. Kratos tells the titan that he no longer works for the gods and is instead interested in killing them. However, he needs his help to reach the sisters. Atlas can't get him there but he can get him across the Great Chasm.

When you regain control, practice the Atlas quake on the supplied monsters. With Kratos' loyalty confirmed, Atlas puts him back up on Earth's surface.

The Great Chasm - Part II

After escaping from holy-heck for a second time , Kratos is now back on top of the world. He is almost across the great chasm
but still has to make a few more jumps. I have to agree with the name of this Chasm though. Yes, the chasm is Great (which better than good) but it could never be considered something like "The Rad Chasm." Unless, of course, the Greeks build a sweet jump that would allow someone to launch over it with dirt bikes.

But, because neither ramps nor dirt bikes have been invented yet it will remain the Great Chasm. Furthermore, Kratos is forced to get across by
jumping and not via dirt bike. First jump to the set of rock columns that are
clustered ahead. The third and tallest one has hand grips. Climb up as high
as you can on it and then backwards jump to the column behind it. From there,
fly back to the hand grip column, but this time landing on top of it. Jump
and float for a graceful landing at the palace of the fates.

The Palace of the Fates

The palace is glaringly white and there are two huge statues holding up the building. Their hands are turned in a bit awkwardly but generally look awesome.

Under the ramp and on the right side is a lever. Pull it and the ramp disappears and two attackers appear. One of them blows the warning horn. Attack the horn blowers first because each time they blow the horn a Cyclopes appears. Fight off all of the attackers and the force field above the center door disappears.

However, the grate will keep you locked out. To remove this grate, go to the right side of the door and find the small lever (there is chest right next to it). Grab this lever and then pull it around the front of the palace to start rotating the entire building. It will take several rotations to line up the opening, so you will must let go of one handle and run to the next one before the building slips back into its regular position. When the gate is correctly
lined up, the building will lock into place and you can run inside.

PUZZLE: Rotating Room

Once you enter, the whole room will start spinning. For good measure, it also has flying creatures, floor spikes, and a grinding sound. Your goal is to stop the rotating by pulling a large stone block that will jam the inner ring. That block is in an alcove that is just right-of-center. You will have to wait for the stone room and the grates to line up correctly. Just watching the open grate as it rotates around the room (don't bother trying to get into those other rooms because you will have a chance to reach them when the room stops moving). When the open spot finally lines up with the stone block alcove, run up to the block (it has a spiral design on it), grab it and then pull it towards the center. The whole machine stops and you can now get the items hidden in the other alcoves. Be sure to grab the crank handle that is located in one of them.

CUT SCENE:

The camera pans across the plaza and up to a huge haystack that stands erect above an island across the sea. At least I think it is a hay stack. It could
be a giant monument to Cousin It.

When you regain control of Kratos, explore this plaza. All of the various doors, cranks, and levers are not accessible to you yet. The only thing that
you can do now is to head up the ladder and into the caged tower.

Inside the cage is one of those slow-time statues and a broken crank. Touch the crank and Kratos will insert the piece that you picked up in the rotating
room. Rotate the device until it stops and as soon as you let it go, press R1+ L1 to freeze time. Jump from the tower and float around to your right and
head for the balcony that was once blocked by flame jets.

PUZZLE: Lowering the Gate:

From the save, turn and enter the curving hallway. Run past the steam jet and go to the lever that is at the dead end. Pulling the lever will lower a
nearby gate. However, the gate will rapidly return to its locked position so you will have to hurry to get over it. To do this, stand over the steam vent, double jump, open your Icarus wings, let the steam lift you, and then float
over the gate.

This will take several tries. The biggest factor is the amount of time you spend on the steam vent. If you float to long, the gate will close before you
can make it over. If you don't float over it long enough, you won't have enough height to make it over the gate.

Auditorium of Lehkisis

Pass through several rooms and you will reach the auditorium. In the center is a book that Kratos cannot decipher. Go find help by proceeding to the right and across the bridge. Behind a grate is a man tied up and surrounded by candles. Pick him up then notice that he is the one keeping the gate open. You will have to find another weight to replace him. This weight supplement is located in that darkened, red colored room that you passed through before reaching the Auditorium. Run back there and then destroy the scaffolding that is holding up a huge block. Drag that block all the way back to the tied-up man.

After picking him up (he is a translator who can help with Kratos's reading deficiency) you must protect him from an entire army of translation haters. Save all of your magic and titan's rage powerups because you will need them for the Auditorium where the attackers get much more aggressive.

When they are disposed of, go to the book and Kratos will command the translator to read the text. It is written as follows:

"Hear me sisters who control the threads
Another search is for only what the sisters may give

As proof that he is worthy, accept this sacrifice of my blood"

Then Kratos then helps the translator to "sacrifice his blood" by smashing his head upon the text. Jeeeeeezus I hope Kratos never has kids because homework hour would be harsh.

CUT SCENE
The wings of the structure open and the Translator's incredibly viscous blood pours all over the book and down into the channels under the pedestal. It
looks like someone has been watching The Crow. A transparent red woman appears and she is wearing a blouse with a plunged neckline (one that was at
one time plunging but has since reached its destination).

The woman in red is one of the fates and she commends Kratos on his sacrifice. She then says that this was just one test required to reach the Fates.

Open the nearby door to get the key of the Ram. With it Kratos can unlock the door back in the central plaza. Follow the unlocked path around and then open the door with the big ram on it.

At the next turn, Kratos is blocked in on either side by two rapidly closing gates. A legion of monsters is thrown in for  good measure. I was thinking of
explaining how to beat this next part by posting a video of a bunch of frogs
in a blender but I despise animal cruelty. As an alternative, here is how to get past this using words:

• Start with rage of the titans and use your L1 attacks
• When that is spent, kill the remainders with magic
• Use the L1 + X a lot.

Garden of the Gods

In this statue garden an all-star cast of Gods is arranged under an array of arches. Using the statues as proxy, the gods try to convince Kratos that Gaia
is lying to him about the god/titan conflict. Athena goes on to explain that the Titans can't be trusted and that Zeus isn't that bad. Really, a few
talking statues is the God's best attempt to convince Kratos to stop his coup d'etat? They are the gods. The gods of elements. Can't they do something like bend the ocean around and have a wall of water yell at him? Performing this ventriloquism trick on these crappy statues is ancient equivalent of leaving a voicemail. And just like voicemails, no one listens to them.

Ignore the statues and run over to the nearby wall and get Kratos to start the wall-hug shuffle. Move around the ledge to get to the save. This is probably the GOW team being artsy and deep with the camera angles but I have no idea why we are watching him shuffle like this.

Save and then proceed to
the next room by climbing down the chain.

PUZZLE: Sacrifice the Sirens
To unlock the next door, Kratos must kill three sirens using the flame torches on either side of the room. Why do keep torturing these sirens, this makes it the second time we have had to sacrifice them to unlock a door.  To start the battle, go to the top of the room and try to open the door. The sirens will instantly start dropping down. Try to attack each siren a few times untill she falls. Pull the lever that activates the closest flames. When she gets up, hit her a few more times to knock her into the flames. Repeat this until you get the equisite number of sacrifices.

Jump into the bloody water that is in the center of the next room. Swim through the bodies and spikes and then up to the next chamber.

The room is icy and the center of it is surrounded with alternating Omegas and symbols that represent (when lined up correctly) the phases of the moon.
Get you drag on because this is, everyone's favorite, a light and mirror puzzle. I wish I could line up every single light puzzle that I will ever play and get them over with in one sitting and never have to be bothered by them again.

• Jump down and pull the lever that is next to the bird statue. The flames that shoot out of its mouth will unlock a door
• Pull out the object behind the door, it is a giant mirror
• Run up to any part of the wall that is not covered in ice and climb up it (they are grip walls)
• From the ceiling, attack all 8 of the ice crystals to let in the light
• Jump down and pull the mirror pedestal over to the light beam that is right in front of the door you entered to get to this room.
• When in place, the mirror will reflect the light down into the sunken area
• Use the three levers, on the right side of the upper deck, line up the disks so that the dark shape that represents a "new moon" is at the point where the light beam is
• When correctly done, the light will be reflected off the moon shape and hit the statue, melting the ice that surrounds it
• Find the crank that is on the back of the bird and rotate it to one of the iced covered doors.
• Run around the bird and pull the fire lever to melt the ice on the target door.
• Melt the ice that surrounds each door.
• The final door out of here has the handle at the bottom of it.

The next room is a cylindrical one that is below ground level. The flying creatures here will make it impossible to progress so you will need to climb the walls and to get to the ceiling. From the ceiling, head around to the two nests and destroy them both. Drop down and kill any remaining bugs. Start turning the crank to lower a grappling hook. When it is low enough, hook onto it and let the lift take you up to the top level.

The next circular room locks you in with two dog beasts. The trick with them is to always kill the pups first because if they are left alone they will grow into a mature beast that can also reproduce pups. Also, focus all yourattacks on one of the mature beasts at a time so that he will be killed off as fast as possible. When everything is dead in the room, run towards the gated off end and look for the small ladder on the left. Climb up for a save spot.

Auditorium of Atropos

Go through the gate, down the halls and when you reach the next gate, a man tells Kratos that he was destined to be here and he won't let him "reach the sisters." Then he dives off the side of the room. The room he was in is a lot like the Auditorium of Lehkisis. And just like last time, you will need someone to translate the book to proceed. So saving this suicidal translators life is key. It's kinda ironic that Kratos will be changing the fate of this one guy so that he can to change his own fate.

• Kratos must go a few seconds back in time to catch the translator before he falls
• Backtrack through the circular hall and pick up the pause statue that is
  hidden in one of the alcoves
• Drag it around until it is right next to the gate
• Open the Gate
• Pull the statue under it so that it prevents the gate from closing
• Go through the mercury-like door that is located on the left hand side of the auditorium. This will send Kratos back in time
• Press L1 R1 and slow time
• Run up and catch the translator before he falls

Kratos drags the man over to the book and makes him read it.

"Hear me noble sisters who forge our destiny's /
another seeks an audience to change their fate /
As proof that he is worthy / (Kratos says "die with honor" here) I give my blood to illuminate the way"

CUT SCENE:
Second verse, same as the first as the translator's head is smashed, Cousin It island opens some more, and then the blood fills the channels of the crow.
Our Lady of Perpetual Wardrobe Malfunction appears again and she says that if Kratos can find the ashes of the phoenix and resurrects it, he can reach the temple of the fates.

Go over to the locked door and Kratos will rip off the Warrior's Skull. Press R1 again to open the door. The camera pans up and examines the many layers of this hall. The ceiling is coated in chads which are coincidentally, falling.

PUZZLE: Steam Jet to the Ceiling

In order to get up to the ceiling you will need to float up there using the steam jet. First, use the rotating lever to open the steam aperture. Float up to the second floor and pull the lever there to boost the steam output. Jump back town and rotate the stick again to reopen the aperture. Now that the steam pressure has been increased, float all the way to the ceiling.

Continue along the roof grips and destroy the fluted column (term for any
column that has long lines that run down the length of it . Drop down when you reach the edge of the ceiling. Turn the crank to lower Kratos to the next floor and fly across the chasm to get back to the palace lobby. Fight off the four thugs that attack. When defeated, run across to the warrior's door. Using the newly acquired key, Kratos unlocks the door.

PUZZLE: Chain Elevator with Skeletons
Inside, hit the save and then proceed to the elevator.

• Move Kratos over to the large chain that runs down the center of it and tap "O". With his super-human grip strength, Kratos will pull the elevator down.
• The ceiling (complete with spikes, natch) descends too and quite fast.
• Keep "O" tapping and don't even stop until the skeletons are actually attacking Kratos.
• Fight off the first wave of them and then get back to the chain.
• The fastest way to grab it again is to stand right in front of it and start your tapping.
• The escape door is on the north side of the room and will take a bit to get there and will need to be dead lifted open.
• Before you start lifting though, make sure all skeletons are preoccupied with an attack. I used Cronos's Rage on the last few and then rapidly opened the door without killing them.

The next room is a long, lava filled hallway with an upper platform and a rope running down the center of it. Jump up onto the rope and attack anyone who comes near. When you get shot down by the archers on the upper platform, jump towards them. Kratos will grab the ledge and you will need to shuffle him to the right to reach a place where he can pull himself up. Kill everything on this platform and when you need to get back down, jump and fly of the ledge. In a design oversight, you can't hand grab your way back to the bottom floor.

Walk over to the left side of the little platform to find a wall with hand grips. Climb up it and then to the ceiling. When you reach the other side of the room, drop and fight off all attackers.

This next area is a series of chambers that each have a large rotating spiked turbine. Scattered among the turbines are steam jets. I don't know if I totally buy the concept of this room, other than the concept of slowing me down on my march towards the end of this game. Is this supposed to be some sort of Geo-thermal turbine? And if so, why the spikes on the turbines? Maybe those are scrubbers to reduce CO2 emissions. To get through this one, float to the steam vent on the right. From there, float right and on to the next rotating urbine. Find the next steam jet. When you land, proceed to the next room.

The Phoenix Chamber

Pull the lever that is just ahead and jump to the platform that is on your left. Then, just when I gave up questioning the relevance of the outlandish
traps in this game I am given a room that is tricked out with wall to wall,rapid rise, floor spikes.

PUZZLE: Spike Room:

PART I:

• Pull the lever to temporarily lower the spikes
• Run over to the center of the room to the body that is just hanging out at the bar. When he is moved you will obtain the "Hail of Boreas."
• Run back to the doorway and wait for the spikes to shoot up again

PART II:

• Pull the spike lowering lever a second time and run to the left and break the wall to reveal a time freeze statue
• Two attackers will jump down and you can dispense of them quickly if you run back to the doorway and let the spikes take care of them 

PART III:

• Drop the spikes a third time and run to the rotating lever that you got the
  Boreas from
• Rotate it one and only one full rotation
• Press R1+L1 to stop time
• Run to the right and to the far end of the spike field, jump over the two
  spike pits and then out to safety

 The subsequent hallway is winding and leaking with lava. At the end is a long room with a phoenix at the end of it. This phoenix sends out a periodic, room clearing wave of fire that is so beautiful you may want to waste a few lives just to see Kratos get burnt alive. Your mission is to open the gate at the
far end of the room and swing up to it to get out. However, the waves of flames keep Kratos from reaching it unless you can get something to shield
him.

The Phoenix Room Help

How to beat this room:

• On the left side of the entrance hallway is a large statue. Pull it out and push it north through the room. 
• As you work your way north you will be attacked so fight them back a little
  but keep pushing the statue forward
• Don't fight off the bats or the skeletons using your standard attacks.
  Instead, use either Atlas's Earthquake or Cronos's Rage to hold them at bay as you make progress. 
• When you move the statue in front of the raised blocks, it will no longer
  slide back. Consider these blocks checkpoints so you can catch your breath
  and attack more enemies.
• An easy way to fight off the attackers is to park the statue in front of one of the stone steps then lure the beasts all the way back to the entrance hallway. The fire will be dispersed and you will have more room to dodge and fight.
• When you get Kratos and the statue to the center of the room, pull the lever to lower the step that is blocking your way.
• When you get the statue all the way up to the two touch pads, two more skeleton guys will drop to attack you. Kill by luring them back to the entrance of this room.
• If you ever need a refill on health/magic, run back to the hallway to find two chests.

When you get to the end of the room, grapple up to the balcony. Move the urn that is up there to the side and step onto the central trigger. The elevator descends into a lava-filled room.

Drag the Urn to the right and into the small indentation in the floor. Run towards the lever that is in front of the phoenix head and pull it. This lever sends in a crane to pick up the urn and drop it into the lava.

CUT SCENE:
The lava boils, even more than it normally does, and a huge phoenix emerges from it. A geyser erupts sending the bird up to the plaza. That pot was full
of phoenix ashes and when Kratos cracked it into this lava skillet, the Phoenix was "rising from the ashes."

Jump over to the save light and use it if you have to. Then, float off towards the central ring of columns and onto the second ring of stairs. Run
up this spiral to the elevator that lifts Kratos back to the Palace's main lobby.

The phoenix is moaning as it is bathed in a geyser of lava. You can't free it
quite yet so go to the elevator that you came up in and look behind it for a stone relief of an old man (a relief is a sculpture that is extends partially
into 3D space - like Lincoln's head on the Penny). Pacify the old man by placing the Hail of Boreas in his mouth like a giant diamond pacifier.
Continue through the hall and past the chain to find a Gorgon Eye. Then, climb the chain to get to the floor with the giant horn. Blow into it.

CUT SCENE:
The Ricola-esque echoes of the horn frees the Phoenix and in turn, do what birds do best: destroy property value. I have a roost of pigeons in one of my
palm trees and they sh*t all over everything. But, instead of giant lava turds, the phoenix causes his damage by knocking over stone statues and
pillars before roosting on a nearby burning pedestal.

Jump down from the horn and head straight to the two column bases. Climb onto the shorter one and then jump over to the tall one on the left. Leap to the
nearby balcony and then open the door.

PUZZLE: Premature Elevation
The room has one lever and one elevator. If you pull the lever the elevator raises without you. That's fine because there are hand grips on that elevator. Run up to it and use the grips to climb onto the ceiling. While dangling, hack at the two sets of chains to reveal a red chest and then a dragable stone column. Drop down and pull the lever to lower the elevator again. Slide the stone column so that it is straddling the lower-left-hand-side of the elevator and the room. Pull the lever and the column will jam the elevator. Climb up and into the partially elevated elevator and then pull the column back into the lift so that it is free to lift all the way up. Now that Kratos, the column and the elevator are at the top floor, drag the column under the bronze gate and jump on top of it. Jump and slash the chain that is holding the gate up and it will eventually drop.

Inside the next room, rotate the lever to erect the two columns that are back out in the palace courtyard.

Proceed right to a crank and turn it until the gate blocking the door has been moved. Proceed forward and all of a sudden it is shadow boxing between Kratos and a silhouetted man. Please don't be a dark Kratos cliche, please
don't be a dark Kratos cliche...

The shadow figure says "I have come too far to fail." To best him, attack the guy a few times, block, or jump over him. After enough hits, Kratos grabs the figure and they go tumbling out the window.

CUT SCENE:
As he falls, Kratos jams his Blades of Chaos right through the attacker. This would normally be a good thing except that the attacker is the kid that was
dispatched to defend Sparta. So that's innocent victim number two that Kratos has Fragged (his first was his wife in GOW1). It's a good thing they don't have guns yet because Kratos' aim is a bit, how do you say... generous.

Kratos then scolds the kid for abandoning his post. But if anyone should be getting a lecture it should Kratos for his swing-first/questions later form of artial arts. And to the kid's defense, he did go back to Sparta. But Zeus went there too. And because Kratos was out trying to get his mojo back, Zeus had free reign over the city-state. The god of lightning shot down buildings, picked up towers and stomped on porticos. It actually looks like a lot of fun to destroy an ancient city like that (hint, hint Mr. Barlog. A perfect playable add in for GOW2: Game of the Year Edition). After Sparta was left in smoldering ruins, the Spartan kid came here to the Island of Creation to meet the fates and change the past for Sparta's benefit. But, the kid's quest was cut short because of Kratos. He dies and Kratos yells out for Zeus.

Kratos starts a demi-god sized tantrum and a giant leviathan that I can only describe as an unholy lovechild between Cthulhu and the Creature from the Black Lagoon surfaces. He wraps his tentacles around the two columns. 

While this is happening, the face buttons have been remapped as follows:

Walk Kratos over to the monster and let the beast pick him up. I assume that sea monsters have the same hallucinogenic skin that frogs do because Kratos
starts buggin' and passes out.

CUT SCENE:
When he opens his eyes, Kratos is standing in the middle of a wheat field or on the back of an enormous dog. The colors are a bit muddy so I can't tell.
This dog/wheat field overlooks a burning city that I bet is Sparta. Up walks Kratos's wife. <<Her musical theme is the Italian restaurant mandolin>>.
Kratos apologizes for accidentally slashing her to death but, it isn't even his wife, it's Gaia talking through the wife.

Kratos totally pusses out and says "I can not defeat the gods." Gaia begs, and then urges him to command the rest of the titans in a war to kill Zeus. She warns that if he does give up, the gods will torture him for the rest of
his life and then when he dies, they will torture him in hell. <<Cue the Kratos theme: bump-bump-bu-bu-bump>>. She then infuses him with the fires of Sparta. You know if Kratos doesn't reclaim kill Zeus and reclaim his godly powers he still has a lot of options available to him. For one, he would be a natural choice for spokesman for Red Stripe Beer. 

Kratos awakens in the Leviathan's grasp and that acid trip really restored Kratos's desire to kill. Furthermore, the buttons are back to their rightful
attack positions.

PART I

• Attack the left set of tentacles until they inch up and reveal a touchplate that opens the steam vent
• Considering Kratos is never one to leave a corpse to waste, grab the Spartan's body and carry it over to the touch plate
• When the steam vent opens, run over to it and use Kratos's Icarus wings to fly up to the monster's forehead
• Attack it with wild abandon

PART II

• After enough hits, the sea monster will jam its tentacle into the steam
  vent.
• Run up to that tentacle and climb it
• Attack the large knob on that tentacle
• When the knob is destroyed, press circle to chop off the whole arm

PART III

• Repeat the corpse-on-trigger, steam vent float, and forehead attack
  sequence.
• After enough hits he will jamb his right tentacle in the wall
• Run under the tentacle and jump up to grab it. Ceiling climb to the large knob and attack it the same way you attacked the other one

PART IV:

• The beast eats Kratos's Spartan comrade and then swings its remaining tentacles wildly
• Focus your attacks on the creature's left tentacle (on the right side of the screen) and when the tentacles loose their grip, run over to the other set of tentacles and attack them
• When it has lost both sides and is hanging on for dear echinoderm life, pull the central lever and the monster deep throats the rapidly extending bridge

Proceed across the bridge and up over the best's head. Run up to the Phoenix, press the circle key and follow the on-screen cues. Kratos climbs board the bird and I shutter to think what its flaming down feathers would do to Kratos's bare thighs.

Temple of the Fates

CUT SCENE:
The bird flies in and around the giant spire. When it reaches the top, Kratos jumps off and lands into a large pool. This is the entrance to the Fate's
Temple and which is flooded with water and judging by the color, in desperate need of a chlorine shock.

Swim over to the save and then jump to the statue head. From here, grapple up to the platform above and to the green crystal. Destroy it and the lights come on and all bell breaks loose.

On either side of the room is a bell. One has the face of Zeus and I want to say that the other one is Cronos but my heart says that it is Gerald Ford. The goal here is to ring both of these bells at the same time.

The first step is to go to the Gerald Ford bell and press R1+L1 to ring it and then immediately press R1+L1 again to pause time. Quickly, grapple up to the central pedestal. Press R1 to pull back the large hammer that will ring the Zeus bell. The vibrations from both bells ringing cracks the statue's
face.

The face is cracked but you needs to do one more thing to get it fully destroyed. Jump down into the water, swim over to the central pedestal and look for a blue lever. Below that blue lever is a groove that is in the circular hub. You need to alight the blue lever and that groove. To do this, surface and rotate the blue lever so that it is positioned above the underwater groove.

When those are aligned, dive to the very bottom of the pedestal and pull the lever. This will raise the pedestal enough to interlock with the blue handle. Now when you rotate the handle to rotate the entire hammer structure. It works a lot like a clutch plate.

Surface and when you rotate the blue lever it will spin the upper platform too. Now, rotate this entire column so that the hammer is pointed right at the face. Press R1 to pull back the hammer and then release it to smash right through it.

The Throne of Lahkesis

CUT SCENE:
Kratos swings out to the platform and the fate that we saw in the two Auditoriums is back and in the flesh. She floats down and I thought she was a
moth but is really just wearing a huge metal cape. In her hand is a crook. In
Greek mythology that stick would determine the length of a person's life thread.

She looks at him and says "We've been expecting you." Get it? Because they are the fates. Kratos says "out of my way." She then uses a lot of words to say that no one can change their fates and that as the fates, they are the most powerful creature in all of Greece. Kratos offers that he can control his fate and she pretty much shoots him down right there by calling him on the fact that Gaia has been lying to him all along. Kratos takes it the same way he does most things, not well, and grabs her by the throat.
BOSS: Lahkesis

Part I

• Attack her as much as you can but be ready to roll away from her because she attacks quickly
• When she shoots green fireballs, use the L1 gold fleece to block and fire them back at her.

Part II

• Reflect the beam at her and you will volley the beam back and forth like fighting Gannon in Zelda Ocarina of Time.
• When she fires a green electric beam at the floor, she is electrifying it so jump up and grapple to the hooks that line the walls. Keep moving amongthe hooks to avoid her additional attacks.
• When she finally gets an "O" over her head, follow the on-screen prompts to destroy her.

CUT SCENE
Actually, I lied, you don't destroy her. She just calls in her sister Atropos for some more fighting. Sometimes end bosses remind me of gratuitous encores
at concerts. Those moments you realize that the band really isn't that good live and then when they fake pack-up and are off stage teasing the audience to start chanting "encore" but you want to shout "No! Your guys are just alright, that set was fine as is." Then you actually get mad when they come back out. This boss is just like that. She does not need an encore. But Lahkesis rises anyway and points her hook at Kratos and says "You do not defy the fates Kratos. For we have woven the events of your life." Then a black cloud circles the room and the other fate drags Kratos back to the inlet where he battled Ares in God of War 1. There in the background you can see Kratos and Ares battling it out and I just got Back to the Future II deja
vu. Atropos explains the rules: she is going to destroy this huge sword which is bad news for Kratos because in GOW1 Kratos needs this sword to defeat
Ares. You need to stop Atropos from destroying this sword.

• Fight the skeletons that are on the sword until she approaches
• When she fires a green ball at you, quickly execute either an Atlas or a Cronos magic attack to occupy the guys thus freeing yourself so that you can push L1 and deflect the beam back at her.
• When she gets real close to the blade and casts a green beam on it, jump up and start attacking her with your weapons.
• You can also use Typhon's Bane to shoot arrows at her.
• After attacking her enough, she gets real close to the blade and has a "O" over her head. Grab her and follow the prompts.

CUT SCENE
You see the final scenes of GOW 1 (spoilers in the background if you have not played it). GOW1 Kratos is about to get stabbed by Ares but because GOW2
Kratos saved the sword, GOW1 Kratos is able to grab it and used it to finish off Ares. But who left their Malibu Atropos Doll lying on that sword? She
falls when Kratos grabs the sword and then she tries to fly back up and out of this time period but is stuck there. It's not entirely clear how but
Kratos is able to get back to GOW2 time and back to the Temple of the Fates.
BOSS: Lahkesis and Atropos

Kratos now has to fight both fates. Atropos will pop in through the
mirrorand fire a few fireballs at you while Lahkesis will perform the
same attacks she used in the first fight.

PART I:

• Attack Lahkesis using the same tactics used in Part I and Part II.
• When Atropos pops in, deflect her beams and keep attacking.
• After enough hits on the Lahkesis sister, Atropos will slump down into the mirror stunned. Use L1 + R1 to slow time and attack the mirror bound sisterwith everything you have. Magic, attacks, Titan Rage, everything. When you hit her enough, the mirror cracks and she starts pounding on it. Keep attacking the mirror to break it for good.
• Repeat all the steps in part IV to destroy the other mirror.

PART II:

• When there is one mirror left, Lahkesis will guard the central mirror and launch her attacks from there.
• When she sends out 6 beams, hang back so that they are spread out by the time they reach you.
• When she is not launching the 6 beams, run up and attack her at point blank range but watch her carefully and get ready to roll out of the way when she raises her staff.
• When she is low on power she will have a circle on her head. Watch out because there are about 6 key press that you will have to follow and they are spaced out so far that you think it is the last one and then another will come.
• When she finally gets stuck behind the mirror, destroy it and both of the fates will be dealt with.

The Inner Sanctum

Continue through the now broken mirror and use the save. Circle around the rotunda. On the left side of the rotunda is a relief of Cronos and Zeus fighting it out and it says "The all consuming struggle between the titans and the Olympians rages on."

The second Relief depicts a single figure standing and the caption is "A lone soul surveys the wake of carnage that surrounds him."

To the right is the third and final relief which says "Three Travelers Heading to an Unknown Destiny"

Despite what you may hear on the forums, these are not about Jesus. I know they are cryptic but this is all just the design team trying to sprinkle a little mystery onto your 20 hours spent button smashing and zombie killing.If the middle one is Jesus, why would it be chronologically out of order with the relief that seems to alludes to the three wise men? Plus in the middle one, you an't see the Jesus mullet or the Jesus sandals.

And no, Kratos is not Jesus and by killing the polytheistic gods. And no he is NOT making room for monotheism. If anything he is just clearing out the Greek gods to make room for the Roman Gods who are the same except that they have Latin names. Gods such as Jupiter, Mars, and Pluto.

Go back around this room and stand in the doorway. Run straight ahead and jump up to the grey wall. There are hand grips here. Scurry around to the door on the other side of the rotunda. If you want the chests on the left and right side, jump and fly over to them.

When you proceed through the door, a large window overlooks the third fate sitting in what looks like a huge hot tub. She says that "it is through my
threads that all life is born. You must not tamper with your destiny Kratos.
You will destroy everything."

Show her that you don't mean to destroy everything by... by destroying the wall that is just ahead. 

Continue right and as you descend around the ramp you enter into one of the hardest parts of the entire game. Several waves of beasts will attack. Here
are some tips for this marathon battle.

• Don't be afraid to use your titan power on this first group because when you decapitate the larger beasts, they give you yellow orbs which refill yourtitan meter.
• Also, don't worry about saving your magic. Use it because many of the monsters in these fights give up blue orbs.
• Use the green walls to your advantage. If you roll behind one just as it is rising, you can often divide the attacking monsters allowing you to focus
  your attacks on fewer enemies.

• When you reach the femme fatal mix of Medusas and Sirens, use your fleece frequently to freeze some and keep from bricking yourself.

When you reach the bottom level and find the big blue fate gate, attack her left claws and she will relinquish her grip. Then press on the crank and it will slide open. Then, attack the left side and press R1 on the wheel to release the door bar. Watch for an animation bug: Kratos will turn the crank to the left but the wheel will turn to the right. When the bar has been moved to the far end of the door, press R1 in the center of it to open it wide.

Loom Chamber

If you were thinking that GOW2 had broken the boobies-per-game record with the battle between Atropos and Lahkesis, hold on because this last boss is here to ensure that no other game will knock GOW2 off its fun-bag pedestal. Trust me, it's a freakin tit carrousel.

When you enter, Gaia explains that this third fate is responsible for weaving all of the threads in an individual's life and that if Kratos can find his thread he can change his own destiny.

Proceed across the bridge and past the blade pendulums. Take a left at her camel toe and run up the small flight of stairs. Attack that little hand she has there and it will fall down like she slept on it all night. Run past her arm and turn the crank to raise the door above. Attack her arm again and jump up to that newly opened door.

Open the chest and then jump to the left of this alcove to reach a wall that is covered in threads. Climb up to the ceiling and climb up and around her body mass. Fight off the hand when she tries to feel you up. Fresh. Then, knock off the two bodies that have been smashed like bugs onto the windshield of fate (wow, that sounds so poetic). Now that the bodies are gone, jump down and rotate the lever to raise the glass. Get back to the staircase and jump over to this newly available chest. Climb up the rope.

At the top she says "This hall was never meant for mortal hands." As the camera pans around, you are probably thinking what I am: polymastia isn't all its cracked up to be. In fact, it is usually pretty gross. The goal on this floor is to get the urn that is located just counter-clockwise of the rope into the one and only functioning hanging crane (it has two hands instead of the other ones which only have one hand). Unfortunately, to get the urn over there, you will have take the long way around. While you are performing this sequence of events, try to get a breast count. I will offer my guess at the end of the steps, see how different ours are.

• Start at the rope you used to reach this floor and move counter clockwise around her.
• Attack that first hand until it falls limp
• Continue counter clockwise past the urn and to the caged off lever. Pull it to open a trap door. Her limp hand falls in. Pull the lever again to shut it in there
• Go back to the urn carriage and drag it counter-clockwise around the platform. Look at the base of this platform and notice the blue jewels. If you cross one, the urn carriage won't slide past it if it is let go

• Stop when you get to the next hand and attack it until it goes limp.
• Climb up the nearby rope and jump to the platform. Pull the lever and Bam! Jesus hand.
• Get back to the urn carriage and pull it counter-clockwise to the next hand. Attack it to make it go limp and then drag the cart past it.

• Pull the cart all the way to the dangling hand crane.
• When the carriage has been locked in place under it, step on the trigger to raise the urn. The two handed crane will grab it and now you have control of that sharp blade.
• Run back and attack that hand you passed before and drag the cart over to it.
• If it is still limp, step on the trigger. Or, if it is alive again, attack it. Either way the result is a second palm piercing.
• Climb up the rope that is holding the blade and jump to the platform just to the left. Pull the lever and Kratos will be lifted to the top floor.

By the way, I counted 7 breasts. Disagree?

When you reach the third floor, you finally reach her face. It looks like that illustrator for the Gnomes book, Wil Huygen, tried to draw the titular
character from "Throw Mama From The Train." This final fate, Clotho, scolds that "you will never control your fate Kratos."

• If you need health at anytime during this fight, pull one of the two levers that are in front of her and cannibalize the bodies that descend.
• You can't kill her just by attacking her. Instead you will need to move the crane that is parked on the right side of the platform to a more appropriate place.
• Unfortunately, two poor souls are trapped in the gears of fate (poetic again!) and this wont let you rotate it around.
• Clear them out of there by climbing up the grip wall that is just to the right of the green doorway. Swing over to the gears and attack them.
• Now that the crane is movable, you have to find the right place to position it. Drag it to the third green jewel (counted from the right side).

• When you have it positioned, deaden both of her arms and pull the lever that is now right in front of her. The pendulum blades will be pulled up will be right in front of her.
• Deaden her right arm again and run up to the blade and rotate it 90 degrees.
• Before you swing the pendulum, make sure her arms are limp. However, the arms seem more resilient so you will need to knock out one, freeze time and then knock out the other one.
• Run up to the pendulum and pull it back as far as it will go and then follow the on-screen prompts.
• The blade goes right through her head.

Note: I didn't tell you we were playing on this floor, but my count was two
tittys balls.

Run through either doorway and up the elevator. Head through the hallway and the pool to the save light. Pull the lever that is right in front of the cage and the platform around big-mama-time will switch into loom mode. Go back down to her and find your line so that Kratos can hack his fate.

On the platform, each of the wheels represents somebody's life and their fate. Run up to each and press R1. If the one you picked is not Kratos's
line, the mirror above will appear shattered. Try each one and when you find it, start tapping O to see a recap of Kratos's life on the Jumbo-tron of fate
("of fate" is the easy way to sound deep). By methodically inching through his life like this, Kratos becomes history's first blogger. As he shuffles through the line I can only make out the sea monster image, everything else looks like Kratos's life was spent drunk and blury. Don't worry about trying to see it because the wheel will stop automatically when it reaches the position in time. An hourglass will appear in the upper-right corner of the
screen too. Freeze time then head up the elevator, through that hall, and to the screen. This was also the area where you just saved. When you get to the
mirror, jump into it like it is Kratos 64. 

CUT SCENE
Now You may be thinking "why doesn't Kratos just rewind time to go back to the moment before he killed his wife and in doing so, remove the need to kill Zeus?" I don't have a logical answer for that. But, I do know that if we did that, GOW1 probably wouldn't exist and GOW2 definitely wouldn't exist. So just ignore this plot hole because without the GOWs we would have spent all this time reading.

But, because Kratos just went back a few clicks on the fate line, we return to the beginning of GOW2. We come to the moment when Zeus first plunged the
sword into Kratos. Seeing it now I didn't realize how much Zeus wass really sawing the Blade of Olympus into Kratos's stomach. So much so that if you Photoshopped out the blade, Zeus would be doing an old man's version of the Cabbage Patch. Kratos 2 appears and knocks him away from the BoO and picks it up (at this time it is still infused with Kratos's Mojo). Rather than being taken aback by the sudden re-appearance of Kratos, Zeus is only mildly surprised. He then attributing this phenomenon to the Sisters of Fate (the way explains it so matter-of-factly it seems like this is an every-day thing.)

Zeus leaps right for Kratos and they go flying up to a rainy mountaintop. Zeus dives down below the mountain and says "Now, I will show you the true
power of being a god." He reemerges and is real big and his hands glow yellow.

Denouement

After inflicting some wicked stigmata and engaging in general grappling,Kratos gets the better of Zeus and starts really sawing away at his stomach.

Athena comes running up telling him to stop. She says that she does not want to fight but will do what it takes to save Olympus. At which point Zeus says that "you have just started a war that you can not possibly win." He claims victory because the fates have already said that he will. Kratos counters
this claim by swinging the BoO around but runs Athena through. That's miss number three Kratos. Is Kratos cross eyed or does he just have horrible depth perception? As Athena lies dying we switch into Pre-reneded mode and she tells him that she is not defending Zeus but she is defending Olympus (there is no difference between the two.) In her final gasps she reveals that Zeus is Kratos's father and Kratos seems shocked to realize this. How many more times do we have to go through this Oedipal, "I am your dad," rigmarole? I actually assume that every tyrannical overlord is the father of the protagonist until I hear otherwise. Besides, in the first cut scene Zeus calls him son .

Kratos starts in with a dualogue about how he will destroy all the gods on Mount Olypus but it soon turns into a monologue because Athena dies. Kratos
looks into the camera and all I can think is how I really should be using Chap Stick more often.

Kratos then quantum leaps back in time to the period when the titans were waring the gods. He finds Gaia and lists off the positives: he has killed two
gods, has the Blade of Olympus and the gods are on the run. He pulls her into his time by using a lighting effect and she relays that effect to the other
titans.

Back on Mount Olympus, Zeus is rallying the other gods for the coming war. At the same time, Zeus's voice actor is trying to channel Patrick Stewart. Zeus says the gods will prevail and then the camera pans up to a crumbling statue of Zeus. Mount Olympus really starts to crumble and all the Gods scramble to the cliffside to see the Titans making an assault.

The camera zooms in on Gaia and Kratos is hiding in her bush, I mean holding onto her bush, rather, holding a bush. Kratos commands the titans on and in
turn starts a Cultural Revolution. And I mean that in the most revolutionary, communist way possible. The Titans really are just stand-ins for the proletariat. They work hard in the factories doing things like hold up the Earth (Atlas), grow plants (Gaia), and make wind (Typhoon). They are also oppressed and exploited by the bourgeoisie class (Zeus and the rest of the gods). The revolution is also carried out by the lower-class rather than from within. By overtaking the gods, the Titans seem to be promising a change of power and a new form of rule. The bulbous Titans even look like the figures from Soviet era Social Realism painting. Way to go kids, you just started a Bolshevik-style overthrow of the government.

How do I think this revolution will play out? Not good. Ignoring the fact that coups from the military branch rarely consider human-rights as one of their big
issues, it is being lead by Kratos. Can you imagine him trying to head a junta where his idea of compromise can be summarized by his quote "If all those on Olympus would deny me my vengeance, then all of Olympus will ie." Furthermore, I am not so sure he really cares about the Titans. I
assume he is using them for their muscle and will forget them once his regime is in place.

Oh ya, the game ended, and the background says "The End Begins."

The Summit of Sacrifice

So Zeus finally has Kratos and is ready for a one on one battle to settle this affair. But, Zeus calls in his harem of sirens to work the fight for
him. Only occasionally does Zeus perform a fist pound and even then it is a half assed attack. The most important tip for this fight is to learn how to
avoid that earthquake attack. Pay attention to him in the background and practice the timing of when to jump so that you are in the air when the
ground is shaking.
PART I:

• The way to attack Zeus is to get the sirens to scream. Use your big magics like Atlas Quake or Cronos's Rage to affect all the sirens at one time. Then a siren dies, she gives up magic so don't worry about using it up too much.
• Attack the Sirens enough so that they get an "O." Then, give them the creapy hug and have them scream.
• Zeus will be affected by this scream and will try to punch Kratos.
• Before zeus does punch, go to the farthest edge of the circle and jump as he is rearing back. Doing this will avoid the shockwave.
• When his punch lands, his hand will rest there for a moment. Attack it.
• Watch for him to raise both arms up like "I don't know" and then oo a little laugh. The moment you hear the laugh, double jump and then fly your way back to the ground to avoid the earthquake.
• After enough hits of this, he will get that "O" over his hand and press it to get to the next part.

PART II

•   To make this easy, keep casting Cronos's rage or Atlas magic attacks and strike him with the sword while he is occupied by the magic. I beat him right way and got an attack chain of 250+.

Otherwise:

• Play defensively. Roll away from his attacks and then when he is done with his combo, attack him
• Use your Area magic quite liberally here because this is the hardest phase
• Block his lightning Attack

PART III

• Zeus picks Kratos up and rips the sword right from his hand.
• Play this fight like you would Mike Tyson's punch out. Meaning, let him swing two or three times, dodge both attacks, and then when he is stunned, attack him two or three times.
• When Zeus gets the "O" over his head, grab him. The on-screen prompt is easy: just start tapping O.

Zeus is stabbed through the gut in a stomach for a stomach replay of the story's beginning. He is then thrown across the area and comes to rest
under an excellent example of post and lintel construction. Run over to the shinning spot and pick up a column and hit him in the back of the head with it. You know, this area would make a pretty good place for a death-metal concert.

Padding, I call padding. You will have to repeat the previous two parts of this battle.

PART IV:

• Attack him with the sword like in part II
• Again, use the magic/attack combo here to make it easier
• I ran out of magic and used my Rage of the Titans here, it helped

PART V:

• He will again steal the sword from you.
• Still fight like it is Mike Tyson's Punch out
• The on-screen prompts are again to tap O.

When he is thrown for a second time, run over and hit the shiny thing to drop
a whole lintel on his head. Zeus jumps down and then he comes back big. He
shocks the ground so get ready to tap on O.

Kratos turns his back on Zeus and wants to totally bury the hatchet (or blade
in this instance.) Zeus wants to too. Only he wants to bury it in Kratos's
Carotid Artery. Zeus holds the blade above his head and says "your torment is
just beginning." He is right because here comes one of the most painful
button pressing sequence in the whole game. Plus, if you fail the button push
sequence, you will have to watch the whole cut scene again.

 Here are some tips to get you through this.

• There will be five button pushes
• Then there will be a tap O sequence towards the end

Themes

• Theft of Manhood - Zeus stole Kratos's Manhood. Insert whatever you ant to think about manhood: Mojo, Essence, Groove... See how he is dealing with his loss and what he does to get it back.

• Architecture as Proxy - There are several characters in GOW 2 who do not appear but confront Kratos through architecture. Notice how the fates first communicate with him. Notice that Zeus first attacks Kratos using the once stationary colossus and the Gods using their status to communicate with him  in the Garden of the Gods. Similarly, note how Kratos deals with those doppelgangers.

• NOT the theme of fate (Surprisingly) - Geek iterature has always played with the theme of fate and humanity's petty attempts to escape the inevitable. See plays such as the Oedipus Tyrannos where Oediups can never escape the oracle's prediction of him killing his own father. Considering that the Fates are actual, physical characters in this game, I was surprised and a bit disappointed that this theme wasn't more prominent.

• Perpetuation of Vengeance - See the different versions of killing-dad and killing-son are repeated.