God of War 2 Loom Chamber Walkthrough

If you were thinking that GOW2 had broken the boobies-per-game record with the battle between Atropos and Lahkesis, hold on because this last boss is here to ensure that no other game will knock GOW2 off its fun-bag pedestal. Trust me, it's a freakin tit carrousel.

When you enter, Gaia explains that this third fate is responsible for weaving all of the threads in an individual's life and that if Kratos can find his thread he can change his own destiny.

PUZZLE: Floor 1

Proceed across the bridge and past the blade pendulums. Take a left at her camel toe and run up the small flight of stairs. Attack that little hand she has there and it will fall down like she slept on it all night. Run past her arm and turn the crank to raise the door above. Attack her arm again and jump up to that newly opened door.

Open the chest and then jump to the left of this alcove to reach a wall that is covered in threads. Climb up to the ceiling and climb up and around her body mass. Fight off the hand when she tries to feel you up. Fresh. Then, knock off the two bodies that have been smashed like bugs onto the windshield of fate (wow, that sounds so poetic). Now that the bodies are gone, jump down and rotate the lever to raise the glass. Get back to the staircase and jump over to this newly available chest. Climb up the rope.

PUZZLE: Floor 2

At the top she says "This hall was never meant for mortal hands." As the camera pans around, you are probably thinking what I am: polymastia isn't all its cracked up to be. In fact, it is usually pretty gross. The goal on this floor is to get the urn that is located just counter-clockwise of the rope into the one and only functioning hanging crane (it has two hands instead of the other ones which only have one hand). Unfortunately, to get the urn over there, you will have take the long way around. While you are performing this sequence of events, try to get a breast count. I will offer my guess at the end of the steps, see how different ours are.

Start at the rope you used to reach this floor and move counter clockwise around her.
Attack that first hand until it falls limp
Continue counter clockwise past the urn and to the caged off lever. Pull it to open a trap door. Her limp hand falls in. Pull the lever again to shut it in there
Go back to the urn carriage and drag it counter-clockwise around the platform. Look at the base of this platform and notice the blue jewels. If you cross one, the urn carriage won't slide past it if it is let go

Stop when you get to the next hand and attack it until it goes limp.
Climb up the nearby rope and jump to the platform. Pull the lever and Bam! Jesus hand.
Get back to the urn carriage and pull it counter-clockwise to the next hand. Attack it to make it go limp and then drag the cart past it.

Pull the cart all the way to the dangling hand crane.
When the carriage has been locked in place under it, step on the trigger to raise the urn. The two handed crane will grab it and now you have control of that sharp blade.
Run back and attack that hand you passed before and drag the cart over to it.
If it is still limp, step on the trigger. Or, if it is alive again, attack it. Either way the result is a second palm piercing.
Climb up the rope that is holding the blade and jump to the platform just to the left. Pull the lever and Kratos will be lifted to the top floor.

By the way, I counted 7 breasts. Disagree?

When you reach the third floor, you finally reach her face. It looks like that illustrator for the Gnomes book, Wil Huygen, tried to draw the titular character from "Throw Mama From The Train." This final fate, Clotho, scolds that "you will never control your fate Kratos."

PUZZLE: Floor 3

If you need health at anytime during this fight, pull one of the two levers that are in front of her and cannibalize the bodies that descend.
You can't kill her just by attacking her. Instead you will need to move the crane that is parked on the right side of the platform to a more appropriate place.
Unfortunately, two poor souls are trapped in the gears of fate (poetic again!) and this wont let you rotate it around.
Clear them out of there by climbing up the grip wall that is just to the right of the green doorway. Swing over to the gears and attack them.
Now that the crane is movable, you have to find the right place to position it. Drag it to the third green jewel (counted from the right side).

When you have it positioned, deaden both of her arms and pull the lever that is now right in front of her. The pendulum blades will be pulled up will be right in front of her.
Deaden her right arm again and run up to the blade and rotate it 90 degrees.
Before you swing the pendulum, make sure her arms are limp. However, the arms seem more resilient so you will need to knock out one, freeze time and then knock out the other one.
Run up to the pendulum and pull it back as far as it will go and then follow the on-screen prompts.
The blade goes right through her head.

Note: I didn't tell you we were playing on this floor, but my count was two
tittys balls.

Run through either doorway and up the elevator. Head through the hallway and the pool to the save light. Pull the lever that is right in front of the cage and the platform around big-mama-time will switch into loom mode. Go back down to her and find your line so that Kratos can hack his fate.

On the platform, each of the wheels represents somebody's life and their fate. Run up to each and press R1. If the one you picked is not Kratos's line, the mirror above will appear shattered. Try each one and when you find it, start tapping O to see a recap of Kratos's life on the Jumbo-tron of fate ("of fate" is the easy way to sound deep). By methodically inching through his life like this, Kratos becomes history's first blogger. As he shuffles through the line I can only make out the sea monster image, everything else looks like Kratos's life was spent drunk and blury. Don't worry about trying to see it because the wheel will stop automatically when it reaches the position in time. An hourglass will appear in the upper-right corner of the screen too. Freeze time then head up the elevator, through that hall, and to the screen. This was also the area where you just saved. When you get to the mirror, jump into it like it is Kratos 64.

CUT SCENE
Now You may be thinking "why doesn't Kratos just rewind time to go back to the moment before he killed his wife and in doing so, remove the need to kill Zeus?" I don't have a logical answer for that. But, I do know that if we did that, GOW1 probably wouldn't exist and GOW2 definitely wouldn't exist. So just ignore this plot hole because without the GOWs we would have spent all this time reading.

But, because Kratos just went back a few clicks on the fate line, we return to the beginning of GOW2. We come to the moment when Zeus first plunged the sword into Kratos. Seeing it now I didn't realize how much Zeus wass really sawing the Blade of Olympus into Kratos's stomach. So much so that if you Photoshopped out the blade, Zeus would be doing an old man's version of the Cabbage Patch. Kratos 2 appears and knocks him away from the BoO and picks it up (at this time it is still infused with Kratos's Mojo). Rather than being taken aback by the sudden re-appearance of Kratos, Zeus is only mildly surprised. He then attributing this phenomenon to the Sisters of Fate (the way explains it so matter-of-factly it seems like this is an every-day thing.)

Zeus leaps right for Kratos and they go flying up to a rainy mountaintop. Zeus dives down below the mountain and says "Now, I will show you the true power of being a god." He reemerges and is real big and his hands glow yellow.

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